The Radio Derb transcript has been posted here. Sample Olympic commentary, which our editors will probably use as an excuse to post a picture of a beach volleyball competition:

I can't believe I got to our closing miscellany of brief items without mentioning the Olympics.

Wait, yes: I can believe it. I'm a sports nullity. I haven't attended a sporting event, other than at my kids' schools, in well over a decade.

My trouble and strife, however, is of a different temper. She does like to watch the Olympics on TV, so I've been catching some of the events when passing through the living room. Here are four random observations.

Observation One:  Men's synchronized diving has to be the gayest Olympic event yet devised. I was embarrassed just to be watching it. Get a room, guys!

Observation Two:  On the heteronormative side, beach volleyball of course takes the palm. Did you know that there is a men's beach volleyball event, too? It doesn't seem to get much coverage, I can't fathom why.

Observation Three:  If beach volleyball was the easiest thing to watch in the Olympics this week, the hardest to watch was undoubtedly that Armenian weightlifter dislocating his elbow in a clean and jerk. Hoo boy.

I hope Mr Karapetyan makes a full recovery. And with no disrespect to him at all, it's salutary to be reminded that even at these far extremes of training and ability, the human body has its limits.

Observation Four:  It wouldn't be an Olympics without a cheating controversy. From my own occasional viewing, I'd say the Chinese women's gymnastics team is a prime suspect.

Gymnasts are supposed to be at least sixteen, but some of these girls look closer to six.

I know Chinese ladies age differently. I don't need to be told; I'm married to one. Mrs Derbyshire looks like a college cheerleader; she is in fact 125 years old. Still, these gymnasts are really straining my credulity.

Does the IOC think the ChiComs couldn't possibly be lying about the ages of their athletes? That the nation that invented printing doesn't know how to fake a birth certificate?

Let me give the IOC a couple of clues about the level of honesty to be expected from the Chinese state authorities. Clue Number One: they're communists. Clue Number Two: THEY'RE COMMUNISTS!